When You Grow, Not Everyone Applauds: Why Family and Friends May Struggle with Your Positive Changes
You’d think that making positive changes like eating better, setting boundaries, moving your body, or managing stress would be something everyone around you celebrates. But sometimes, instead of support, you’re met with resistance, jokes, subtle criticism, or even distance.
As a health psychologist, I’ve seen this reaction more times than I can count, and it often surprises people who are genuinely trying to improve their well-being. If you’ve felt misunderstood or unsupported in your growth, you’re not alone, and it’s not a sign that you’re doing anything wrong.
Let’s unpack what’s really happening beneath the surface.
1. Your Change Highlights What Others Aren’t Ready to Face
When you start prioritizing health, balance, or boundaries, it can unintentionally shine a light on the areas where others feel stuck. That can trigger discomfort, defensiveness, or even guilt.
It’s not that they don’t want you to feel good; it’s that your growth reminds them of what they’re not doing yet.
Compassionate Reframe: Their reaction isn’t really about you. It’s about their relationship with their own behavior or self-worth.
2. Change Can Disrupt Relationship Dynamics
We all play roles in our social circles: caretaker, peacekeeper, “fun one,” fixer. When you grow out of a role (say, by setting healthier boundaries or saying no), others may feel unsettled. Your evolution asks them to adapt, and not everyone adjusts gracefully.
Compassionate Reframe: Growth always creates ripples. Healthy relationships will find a new equilibrium; others may fade—and that’s okay.
3. People Fear Losing Connection
Sometimes, loved ones worry your new habits or mindset will pull you away from them. A spouse may feel left out if you no longer share the same eating habits. A friend may fear your self-confidence will change the closeness you share.
What looks like criticism might actually be fear of losing you.
Compassionate Reframe: Reassure them that your growth is about expanding your energy, not excluding them from it.
4. They Don’t Understand the Inner Work
When you start practicing mindfulness, therapy, or nervous system regulation, it’s often subtle from the outside but transformative inside. To others, it may seem unnecessary or “woo-woo.” That misunderstanding can feel invalidating, especially when these practices are changing your quality of life.
Compassionate Reframe: You don’t need everyone to understand the “why” to honor what helps you feel well.
5. Your Calm Challenges the Culture of Chaos
We live in a world that glorifies hustle, burnout, and busyness. When you begin choosing calm, ease, and presence, it can make others, especially those still operating in high-stress mode, feel uneasy. Your peace can be quietly radical.
Compassionate Reframe: Staying grounded in your calm is not selfish, it’s leadership.
Final Thought
Change can be lonely at first, but over time, your energy attracts people who align with your new way of living. The discomfort others feel is often the first sign that you’re stepping into your next chapter.
You don’t need to shrink to stay connected. Others may come around or not. That’s information for you. Living into your best self will draw others to you who are doing the same and who want the best for you.